Why We Rush to Fill Silences—and What We Miss When We Do
- Merianne Drew
- 3 days ago
- 2 min read
Have you ever noticed yourself blurting something out just to break a pause? Maybe it’s small talk that doesn’t matter, or an over-explanation you didn’t really need to give. Many of us have trained ourselves to fear silence. It feels awkward. Heavy. Exposed. So we rush to fill it.
But here’s the truth: silence itself isn’t the problem. Our discomfort with silence is.
Why We Fill the Gaps
When you feel the urge to “cover up” a pause, it’s usually not about the other person. It’s about soothing yourself. Common patterns include:
Anxiety – Silence feels like rejection, so you scramble to prove your value by talking.
Fear of Intimacy – Quiet can feel too close, like someone might actually see you.
Avoidance – Words become a buffer that protects you from emotions you’d rather not touch.
Control – Talking gives you the illusion you’re steering the moment, when really, you’re just running from discomfort.
The Power of Letting Silence Be
Here’s what changes when you resist the urge to rush in:
You create connection. Pauses give others space to respond honestly instead of reflexively.
You regulate your own system. Instead of feeding anxiety with chatter, you practice calm presence.
You access clarity. Stillness lets real thoughts and feelings surface—yours and theirs.
You build trust. Silence communicates that you don’t need to “perform” to hold space.
How to Practice
You don’t break this habit by force. You shift it by noticing and experimenting. Try this:
Pause on purpose. After someone speaks, silently count “one, two” before responding. Notice how it feels.
Breathe instead of speaking. When your mouth wants to jump in, let your body exhale instead.
Name the discomfort. Ask yourself, What am I afraid will happen if I stay quiet?
Start small. Practice in everyday settings: a car ride, a walk, or even sitting with a friend without turning on background noise.
Reframe silence. Instead of “awkward,” start calling it “space.” That subtle shift changes how you experience it.
The Invitation
Silence is not empty—it’s full. Full of presence, trust, and the possibility of deeper connection.The question is: will you let it work for you, or will you keep rushing to cover it up?
Next time you feel the itch to fill the gap, pause. Breathe. Let it be.You might discover that what you were trying to avoid is exactly what you needed.
Merianne
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